Mindful Monday


I never realised just how much of a control it had on my life until it completely took over. When my anxiety was sky high and life was just too much, I began to see how it had always been there – even when I had no name for it.

Six years ago I was having panic attacks daily, even the thought of leaving the hosue as enough to trigger them. As I delved deep into shadow work, I saw how fear had been ever present, how it had shaped and molded my life for so many years.

Looking back, I could see how many decidsion that I made were simply due to fear. Opportuniites I walked away from becuase I was afraid. People I walked away from. I lived a small, quiet life – afraid to make any changes, afraid to try something new, afraid to step out of my comofrt zone.

It was something of an eye opener. Seeing just how much I had let fear win. How much I missed out on because of anxiety.

I made a decision that fear would no longer rule my life. I wouldn’t allow feeling anxious to stop me doing things. In fact, I learned that the things that scare me the most are the things that I need to do the most.

Driving was one example of being fear-led. I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it – I didn’t even try. For years I told myself {and everyone else} that’d I’d be a rubbish driver. Then this year I finally learned to drive and passed my test the first time. My anxiety was sky high after I passed, driving around made me feel physically sick, but I pushed through and made myself go further and further.

I allow myself to acknowledge my anxiety when it shows its face, but I won’t let it stop me. If I find myself making excuses to not do something, I’ll sit and ask myself what is really going on. More often than not I’m afraid and trying to protect myself.

Fear has a place, it’s there to protect us – but we don’t always need protecting.

I don’t know what made fear so prevalent in my life, why anxiety took over, why I sat back and let them. I do know that I hold the power now – I don’t have to allow them to have the driving seat anymore. I can chase my dreams instead of letting fear keep me trapped and small.

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