“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”Mandy Hale
The last couple of weeks, it is as though a switch has been flipped. I feel lighter, freer, happier, content. After almost a year of feeling like I was wading through mud, it’s a relief to feel this way. There were moments that I couldn’t see this point every arriving, but I held on.
Over the years, I’ve struggled with depression, with anxiety, with feeling inadequate and disconnected. I used to fight it, used to hate those dark times. I’d do anything that I could to try and outrun those feelings.
Yet in the long run, feelings cannot be outrun. They always catch up with you in the end.
The only way out is to feel.
Trusting the process isn’t easy. Allowing yourself to feel all the feelings. To be in a dark place without trying to fight it. To believing that things will unfold as they should.
I believe in my ability to adapt. I know that I am strong, that I can survive whatever life throughs my way.
Those dark times are times of growth. When I feel disconnected it’s a reminder to myself that I was going off path. When I am depressed it’s a reminder to be true to myself. When I am anxious it’s a push to stop letting fear rule my life.
So this last year, I’ve sat in my dark place. I’ve allowed the feelings to unfurl. I’ve listened to what they wanted me to hear. I’ve listened and I’ve acted. I removed things from my life that were no longer serving me. I’ve added things in that bring me joy. I’ve reassessed my goals and values and have started making changes to realign my life with them.
Society sells us the need to be happy all of the time. But that is unrealistic. Times of sadness are normal and natural and healthy. We don’t need to fight against it, but rather lean into it and let us teach us what we need.
In the midst of these times, it is hard to hold faith that the light will return. Yet I’ve found that my periods of darkness have helped me reconnect with myself and create a more fulfilling life.