When adulting sucks

Yesterday was one of *those* days. I woke up too early, tired, naggy, hormonal and just not really feeling it. I’d just poured a cup of tea when Beastie woke up and joined me downstairs.

What I’d hoped for was half an hour/an hour to myself, to drink my tea and do some yoga in the garden, trying to get my head into a better place, but it wasn’t to be. He was also tired and naggy, and very clingy. Trying to do yoga with a small boy insisting on laying underneath me the whole time was interesting. By the time everyone else was awake, my nerves were more than a little frayed any patience I may have had had long gone. I was so tired I was struggling to put a sentence together, and remember the right words.

I had a long to-do list, a tonne of work to do, the kiddos school work, varying groups to fit in, housework, food to make… yada yada yada. What I wanted was to go back to bed, to pull the duvet over my head and sleep until the day was over. With four kids, a house and business to run, that’s not really an option. By lunchtime I was totally over it – frazzled and snappy.

The kids had also picked up on my mood and were all feeling equally grumpy – don’t you love those sibling relationships sometimes?! If I heard someone shout ‘Muuuuuuum’ once, I heard it a thousand times {no joke}.

By the time we came back from Beastie’s gymnastic class at lunchtime, I was ready to call an end to the day. So we packed away the work, ignored the mountain of washing up, the piles of toys and stuff everywhere and got out the paints. I lit some incense, put on some music, cut up a plate of fruit and then we spent a blissful hour lost in our own creativity. The kiddos helped me cook up some delicious vegan fajitas for dinner which, accompanied by a bottle of ice-cold beer, turned my whole mood around, then the littlest two and I curled up on the sofa, watched Shrek and did a little colouring.

As the only adult in the house, there is so much responsibility piled onto my shoulders, the running of all our lives rests solely with me – and on days when I’m tired or hormonal, that can seem like too much. Days when adulting just sucks, and I’d rather be a kid again free of any responsibilities. So while I can’t totally shirk everything, it’s more than ok to drop as much as possible on days when I/we need too.

I’m totally lucky to be able to make my own rhythms – asides from the kiddos groups, we’re not tied to school hours or days, or to me having to be at work at set times. We can work as and when we want to/feel like it – fitting it into our lives, rather than the other way around. Listening to my body and mind, and knowing that sometimes it just needs a day off, that it is tired and exhausted and trying to push it will only make things worse.

So on those days when adulting sucks, I rip up the to-do list, forget about the should’s and musts, and instead do something that is fun. Something that fills the creative side of me, something that connects me with myself and with my kids. Showing them that it’s OK to play, that being a grown-up doesn’t have to mean pushing yourself always, that it’s alright to take time ‘off’ when you need it, and that shrugging off the to-do list is allowed!

An early night followed by a good morning yoga session {alone!!}, tea and carrot cake porridge and I’m feeling a lot more together today.