Goodbye to my people-pleasing self

I’ve been a life-long people pleaser, though it took me a long time to realise that’s what I was. I’ve always had difficulty saying no, in setting boundaries, in standing up for myself and saying what I think. Low self-esteem made me afraid to disappoint anyone. For a very, very long time, I put myself last, I’d go along with what others wanted to make them happy, even though it was killing me inside.

Through a lot of inner work over the last few years, I’ve realised just how much of me I have given away. I would avoid conflict so much that I was desperately unhappy because I was saying yes to things I ddin’t want to do, and letting people walk all over me.

The turning point came when I realised that a {ex} relative had been saying all sorts of absolutely awful things behind my back, yet I’d spent the previous few years going out of my way to welcome them in my home even though I didn’t want them there and could pick up the vibes of their dislike of me.

I thought ‘what on earth am I doing??!!’ why am I allowing myself to be treated this way? Why am I showing my children that people can treat us like this and we do nothing about it?

Setting boundaries is hard for an ex-people pleaser. Standing up for what is right for me is hard and makes me so anxious. Yet I realised that I had a choice. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have spent so many years letting others walk all over me; it is about time I stood up for me. Even if that means upsetting people. disappointing them. Not doing what they want me to do to make their lives easier.

The big breakthrough came when I finally understood that I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. A NO is a complete sentence. I don’t have to give an explanation. I don’t have to apologise for not doing something. I can just say no.

It was scary at first to put boundaries in. In making firm lines that I won’t allow others to cross. At seeing the looks of disappointment on someone’s face. Or being given the silent treatment because I haven’t done what they wanted me to do.

But you know what? I am 41 years old. I am my own woman. I answer to no one other than myself. I honestly have no more fucks to give.

The more I stand up for myself, the more confident I become. This isn’t to say I don’t want other people to be happy. I am all for helping others to be happy. What I am not about is putting my feelings last. Allowing myself to be taken advantage of. Being walked all over and treated like dirt.

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