A lesson in letting go

After last week’s do-nothing day, I’d expected to get back to our usual hectic pace of life. We had a full calendar ahead and I was excited about days out, a trip to Cardiff for a gymnastics competition coffee with friends and lots of other things we had planned.

Then I woke up Saturday morning sick.

I’d woken a couple of times in the night shivering, grabbed a fleece blanket and went back to sleep. The second I opened my eyes on Saturday morning I knew. My head hurt and my body ached. I managed to get up long enough to make sure the girls were ready for gymnastics, then collapsed on the sofa.

Thankfully, my Mama took Oren for a few hours, leaving me to a fitful sleep on the sofa. Hot and cold, I was burning a fever, couldn’t eat or drink and I felt awful.

Sunday saw me feeling a little less awful, though still running a fever and lacking much of an appetite. Another day on the sofa ensued – missing my daughter’s gymnastics competition. I managed to eat a little, though nothing tasted right. But I was hopeful I was on the mend and life could resume.

Monday morning I woke with what I can only describe as the most horrific migraine I have ever experienced. I’ve never known a headache like it. A day dosed up on co-codemol got it under control but left me feeling a little woozy.

Tuesday I felt a little better! Yay. My headache was gone, my fever gone, I was still weak and tired, with little appetite. I managed to get caught up on a little work and focused on resting.

Then I woke up on Wednesday. And wanted to try. I knew without a doubt I had a chest infection. I had them enough when the girls were little to know. My fever seemed to be back too, I’d lost my voice and had an awful cough. A grip to the doctors confirmed the infection and I came away with a course of antibiotics and orders to rest {more}.

I was beginning to feel like I would be sick forever. Oren had spent most of the week with my Mum, the older kids were bored of being stuck home, we’d missed several groups and activities and I was so behind on work.

I took a breath and remembered that none of that really mattered. That right now, what my body needed was rest- physically and mentally. We get so caught up in the fast pace of life that we forget that it’s all optional. that sometimes what we need is to let it all go and focus on what our body is telling us.

Mine was telling me it was exhausted. Night after night of broken sleep, for years on years. I kept pushing myself to do more and more, to keep going, to push through the fatigue and just get shit done.

When we don’t listen to the warnings, then our bodies will find a more drastic way to get our attention.

It’s been a long time since I was sick enough to have had to have bed rest for five days. A week on and I’m still not feeling 100% but have managed to get out and a bout, do a little work and start getting back to ‘normal life’.

I think my body appreciated the extra sleep and rest this week, I actually enjoyed doing nothing – the space in my head was good, it gave me a good chance to think over things that have been bothering me lately and make some decisions.

It was a lesson learned the hard way, to let go of the endless busyness and just rest when we need to.

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