Life with five

LIfe right now is full-on. Sometimes, I find myself missing the slowness of lockdown. While I am glad that life has restarted, that the kids can be at college and groups again, that there are places to go and things to do, there is also a yearning for the first lockdown, when we had endless hours to just be. No clock watching, no rushing around.

I have 18 year old, 14 year old, 12 year old, 6 year old and 2-year-olds in the house. Juggling so many different ages and needs is crazy. Going from toddler tantrums to teenage meltdowns, dealing with nappies and exam stresses all at once can leave me confused, to say the least.

There is never a quiet moment, always someone needing something, endless laundry, constant questions, forever someone shouting ‘I’m hungry, what can I eat’.

Yet this time is the best. I wish I could bottle it, for I know that these are the days. They’ll come a time when I have a quiet, empty house and I’ll look back on this period with smiles and fond memories. When I’ll miss the constant rushing, the never enough hours in the day, the lack of space for my own thoughts. When I’ll wish I could go back…

IN the midst of the chaos, I find little pockets of joy. I capture them and hold onto them, reminding myself of just how lucky I am.

This world and life is mine, and mine alone. I’ve worked like crazy in the last few years to get to where I am now. I’m incredibly grateful that I have a job I love, that I can do from home, around my kiddo. Monday morning I sat in the garden working whilst the boys ran around and played. So grateful my office can be wherever I need/want it to be.

There are moments of course, when it overwhelms me. When I long for five minutes to drink a hot cup of tea, go for a wee or just think my own thoughts, uninterrupted.

Co-parenting means I get a little break now and then. A few hours to sit and work sans children. When I can enjoy a quiet house, have control of Netflix and not have to answer a million questions.

I can see the countdown clock running, another year and the eldest will leave for university. a couple more and the next one will be flying the nest. Raising kids to be independent is the goal… yet it’s bittersweet knowing that you have to let them fly off into the world, that these years will come to a close and things will change.

Life with five is crazy, hectic, manic, noisy, full of love, laughter and often arguments. I couldn’t imagine having it any other way.

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