Time for a festive break

It’s been a funny year, in truth, it’s been a funny few years. One hell of a rollercoaster ride that is for sure. As 2019 draws to a close I’m feeling more settled and happier than ever. This time last year I was in the final throws of extracting myself from an abusive relationship, and the first half of this year was purely focused on slowly rebuilding my self-esteem after that and growing a baby. I turned inwards a lot, and didn’t really process much of what went on last year as I knew my focus needed to be on making it through the pregnancy.

Now Oren is almost 6 months old {say whaaat?!} and it feels like things have come so, so far since last year. It hasn’t been easy, I won’t lie. BUT it has been amazing. Six months of raising a newborn alone {apart from my amazing kiddos} have proved just how strong I am. All the balls I have to juggle have stayed up in the air, I’ve kept on working the whole time, kept running a house alone, kept up with the homeschooling and everything that comes with having five kiddos. We had an amazing summer and made some fantastic memories.

There were moments I doubted myself, times I wobbled, times I wished for someone to share this journey with. But for the whole I have thrived far more than I ever dared to hope.

Now with the last couple of weeks of this year ahead of me, I’m finally feeling like I have the headspace to start thinking ahead. To start making plans, and thinking about what I want to achieve next year. I’ve felt called to make some changes for a while yet haven’t really been sure exactly what changes. I’m still not, but now I am out of the newborn haze I can actually start to dream and think and plan and hope.

I’m feeling the most comfortable in my own skin that I ever have, the most comfortable in my own company. Having had my fingers so badly burned in my last two relationships, I doubt I could ever trust anyone enough to let them close – only time will tell, and frankly, I love being master of my house alone, and not having anyone to answer to/take into consideration. I never lived alone in all my adult life until three years ago, and boy do I like it! {I know I’m not really alone with five kiddos here – but no other adults at least!}

I feel like another layer of the ‘old me’ is peeling away and a whole new being is emerging, ready to create a whole new {amazing} life. I’ve got a few loose ends to tie up on here between now and the new year, a few commitments that I’ll be working on, but other than sharing Oren’s six-month update next week, I’ll be taking a step back for a few weeks. Letting myself off the hook so  I don’t have to feel bad for not having the time/headspace to come and write anything on here.

Giving myself space to enjoy the festivities and start dreaming/planning/creating an amazing 2020 ♥

 

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