Burnt toast and cold coffee

burnt-toast-and-cold-coffee

This week has been one of those weeks. The ones when the kids won’t stop arguing, you’re a huge hormonal, emotional mess, you’re super tired and stressed and everything seems too much. I don’t know if it was the weather, the moon, being midway in my cycle {I can tell I’m ovulating these days by my mood} or what, but this week nearly did me in.

It came out of the blue, last week was fantastic, Saturday started off great and then mid-afternoon I could feel my energy change. Sunday was Mothers Day, and I woke at half six to a text from Kiki asking when we were getting up. So up we got, I made a cup of tea, I managed to get them to wait until half past seven to wake the teenager so I could open their gifts {they were NOT happy about this!}. Presents opened, they started complaining about how soon we’d eat…. and the day went from there. The girls spent the entire day bickering. If one said the sky was blue, another would insist it was green just because. That’s the kind of day we had. All three girls ended up in tears at some point, all of them stormed off in a mood at some point, and by seven o’clock my nerves were frazzled and I was in tears. I ended up sending everyone to bed and watched a crappy movie on the sofa to try and relax.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were much of the same. Arguing kiddos. A tired and stressed Mama. Our moods fed off one another, I’m sure. My stress made them behave worse, their bad behaviour made me more stressed… and round and round we went. There were too many tears, too many snapped words. I was so tired I felt like I was walking through sludge, sleep didn’t seem to help and I woke up as tired as before.

My to-do list seemed endless, the house was a tip and I couldn’t seem to manage to handle all of the plates that I needed to keep spinning. Tuesday saw me cut half my fingernail off, slice my thumb open,  one of the cats peed on Baya’s bed, whilst washing said bedding the washing machine leaked, I burnt breakfast AND dinner…. everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

I questioned what on earth I was doing. Single mum, four kids, self-employed, home educating, no family or other support… I must be crazy, how did I think I could do all of this by myself.

On Wednesday I woke up in tears. Stressed before I even got out of bed, tired even after 8 hours of sleep {broken and full of weird dreams}. I forced myself through a workout, got halfway through breakfast and reading my to-do list, before I realised I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep those plates spinning today.

So… we stopped. We hopped off the busy bandwagon, I put down my to-do list, ignored the ‘musts’ and ‘shoulds’ in my head, switched off my laptop, put away the school books and played hooky.

The girls spent the morning baking – these crownies, and some peanut butter brownies. Baking is the best thing to do when you’re stressed out right?! After lunch, we cuddled up on the sofa and flicked on a movie. Lay around and forgot about the things we’d planned to do. I even managed to sneak in a nap.

That day off seemed to be the perfect medicine. I woke up this morning feeling like my old self again. Bright and breezy, and not a hint of the stresses of the last few days. Back on track and ready to tackle my to-do list – though as my kiddos are out, I did start the day with a pamper session – hair dye, face mask, hot bath.

Those four days taught me a perfect lesson. That it’s ok to stop. Motherhood is hard. Single Motherhood is really hard. Mothering without a village, with no support is even harder. Add in home educating and being self-employed and you have the perfect recipe for burn out. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to keep everything going, in being perfect in all that I do, in doing it all alone, that I forget that I have to take time out. Any child-free time I get is usually spent working, I go from the minute I wake up until right before I fall into bed at night.

Days are long, my coffee usually cold by the time I drink it. We don’t achieve anything by trying to keep going endlessly. When it all gets too much, when the stress hits the roof, the best thing we can do is to drop it all. To take a day off, to pamper ourselves, to stop trying to be perfect. To drink a hot cup of coffee ♥

On days when your kiddos are driving you crazy. When your to-do list is overwhelming. When you’re tired or emotional. When you feel like you’re about to crack. Stop. Breathe. Show yourself some love.

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3 Comments

  1. March 15, 2018 / 15:11

    I am always in awe by what you do! You are a super woman, in all senses of the word. And such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. Xx

  2. March 16, 2018 / 16:47

    OH I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve written. Motherhood is so tough sometimes and I think we put extra (and often unnecessary) pressure on ourselves to do everything. I’m trying to enforce a 9pm curfew on all social media so I at least have a few hours to chill before bed xx

  3. March 19, 2018 / 10:52

    I’m sorry things have been so tough for you lately! I think we all need a reminder to take a break now and then, it sounds like your chilled day made the world of difference for you <3

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