It’s been one of those weeks when life in general just seems to be too much. I’m juggling a million balls, having added my doula training to an already overflowing schedule, and sometimes it all creeps up on me.
I’m still struggling with fatigue two weeks after being ill, added in to general tiredness from being busy and having a toddler who doesn’t value me sleeping!
And sometimes, even though I know I shouldn’t, and I’ve mostly trained myself out of it, I can’t help comparing myself to others. Which then only leads to me feeling even more rubbish about myself. Sitting listening to a few other mums talking about booking themselves a massage, or doing this or that or the other, left me feeling awful – knowing right now, money is really tight and there is no extra for me to treat myself, even though I am crying out for some self care. Or seeing other Mums at a home ed group talking about all the things they’ve been doing – as they don’t work and have the time I just don’t have these days. Even though I know they all have husbands at home earning enough that they can not work and still live far more comfortable live than me.
We might now it’s silly to compare ourselves, but we still do it. We see people’s ihglight reels – their IG showcase of the best moments and berate ourselves for not hitting the mark. We see those who can afford x,y or z and feel like failures because we can’t.
In the past I’d let those feelings consume me, and define me. It would be a vicious circle of comparison and sadness and jealousy and anger.
I took some space for myself, let myself journal all my feelings and acknowledge them. And then…. I practised gratitude. It’s easy to slip out of, easy to overlook how much we have when we are mourning all we don’t have.
So I wrote a list of all the good things in my life. And there are so many,
I am grateful to have a lovely home, that is warm and cosy, I can always pay my bills, there is always food on the table, we have the heating on if it is cold. The kids do clubs and groups that I pay for, they don’t go without – if they need something, they have it, I don’t have to worry too much about paying for day to day stuff.
We have a good life. I’m lucky to spend so much time at home with the kids. Grateful to be able to work from home. Grateful to be training as a doula so I can do work I love. Grateful to have some wonderful friends around me. Grateful for a Mum that helps out, and an ex-husband who is supportive.
When we focus on the good we see more of it, we remember how wonderful life can be. That it’s not all about money, or having things or doing things.
Life is what we choose to see – if we focus on the hard things, then that’s what we’ll get more of. I’m reminding myself this week to be grateful for all that I have – for once I wished for what I have now, and I have it. Life is what we make of it – and practicing gratitude every day really can make the world of difference.