Finding blind faith

As a girl, I knew that anything I did, I’d do well. I’m not trying to boast or blow my own trumpet, but I was always bright, I always got good results, things always went well. Somewhere along the way things changed.

I lost belief in myself and I dropped out of my A-level course as I was afraid of failing. Because of fear, I tried jobs and other courses. I had a few driving lessons and stopped. I remember a tutor telling me another tutor had commented, “it’s a shame she never sees anything through”. It was true. My fear held me hostage. made me too afraid to even try.

I told myself so much that ‘i couldn’t do it’ {regardless of what IT was} that I believed it. I laughed off my inabilities to myself and others, and resigned myself to life as it was.

Slowly, and I mean slowly, I’ve been chipping away at this belief. It’s been the one thing that’s held me back the most and has affected my life the most.

In life coaching last year, it was suggested I put together a list of all the things I’d achieved recently. So I did. I also stuck up in my office all the certificates I’d gained from various courses I did in the last year or so – professional courses, my life coaching certification, the introduction to counselling course, etc Celebrated every last win – proving to myself I could see things through, I could face fear and try AND not fail.

The biggest challenge for me has been driving. I’ve spent twenty years telling myself and everyone else that I’d be an awful driver. Mainly because it was an excuse not to try to learn, and fail. Just over a year ago I decided to bite the bullet and begin lessons. It’s been a little stop and start due to lockdowns. Yet I’ve proved myself wrong. I can do it. It might be scary, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible.

In opening up to others about my fears I’ve heard tales of others who waited until they were older, others who taken several attempts to pass – and began to feel that I could do this, that even if I fail once, twice, three times…. it doesn’t make ME a failure.

I booked my theory for just before Christmas and then chickened out. I was underprepared, hadn’t revised enough and knew it wouldn’t end well. So I put it off until today.


My nerves this morning were immense, but I knew I had prepared as much as I could. I visualised seeing PASS written down, imagined how I would feel, gave myself a strict talking to in the mirror telling myself I could bloody well do it… and I did!

Next task is the practical……

I’ve learned the power of having blind faith in myself. Of trusting that whatever I try will work out. Of having belief in myself – giving 100% of myself to whatever it is I want to achieve.

Driving is just one step. It will be life changing, freedom giving and I cannot wait!

Next week I also begin my Doula training – this is going to be my year.

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