Single and Pregnant

Being single and pregnant was never something that I saw coming, yet when it did, it was because I knew it was for the best. Having been a single parent for the past two, raising my four kiddos alone after my marriage broke down, I was under no illusion about the reality of single parenting.

I’d had my doubts about my relationship for a while, but I tried to brush it off as me being overly paranoid after my past. Yet deep down I knew that the way I was being treated wasn’t right, and it was only getting worse. There’s a lot of stuff that went on that I don’t feel right to talk about on here, at least not at the minute. But seeing those two lines on my pregnancy test made me realise that I couldn’t stay in a controlling/abusive relationship, and I certainly couldn’t bring a baby into that sort of situation.

Instead of a pregnancy bringing us closer, it made me feel even more trapped. I know it’s one of the things abusive/controlling men use – ensuring the women are pregnant because they think it will tie them together, make her less likely walk out of the door. For me though, that proved so untrue. Finding out I was pregnant was a huge eye opener, It gave me the courage to stand up for myself, to make a break and take back my life.

I knew it wouldn’t be easy, yet for the first couple of months, after I walked away, the relief was far greater than anything else. The freedom I suddenly had, both physically and mentally meant so much to me, that any worries or concerns didn’t’ get much of a look in. As time passed, and reality hit, I had a few weeks when I couldn’t think about the baby at all. I was so worried about how I would cope with another baby, how I’d get through those newborn days without a partner, how I would manage.

It hasn’t been easy being pregnant and single, lacking support at home is scary – pregnancy is a vulnerable time, and not having someone there to share your worries is tough going. Making it through endless weeks of all-day sickness without support, midwife appointments, scans, picking out baby names… it’s a time you always expect to have someone by your side to share with.

Would I change it – not really, no. I know I made the right choice and as hard as it may be, it would be even harder to be trapped in a controlling relationship. My freedom, my safety and that of my kids are worth far more than anything. I’m glad I found the courage to stand up for myself, to give this baby a chance of a safe, stable life.

More than anything, for a long time there I felt bad about the fact I was single and pregnant. I felt a little ashamed of the situation I found myself in, of having been taken in by a man, and not having listened to my gut instinct about him sooner, about finding myself pregnant and then making myself a single parent.

As I reach the end of this pregnancy, I’m finally feeling peace with the whole situation. Of course, I’m still worried about how things will play out, how I will cope with a baby, four kiddos, a house, a business… all with no support. Yet, I know it will all work out. Somehow things always do. I’ve done the whole baby thing before, and I can do it again. It may not be the ideal situation, but it could have been a whole lot worse.

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