Slowing Down

I’ve been fighting a battle with myself the last couple of weeks, getting annoyed that I can’t physically keep up the pace, and also that mentally I just haven’t got the motivation or the will to keep on going. I’m tired. I’m 36 weeks pregnant, a single Mum of four, with a house to run and a business to keep going, as well as having three of those kiddos to home school. My life is pretty full on, and there isn’t much time to rest.

BUT.

I’ve realised the last week or so that rest is what I need. Or as much as I can possibly can manage at least.

So I’ve been trying to keep that in mind. To get rid of the to-do list, or at least cross off everything that isn’t absolutely essential right now. To slow down, to not expect myself to keep every single ball in the air right now. I had a long list of jobs that I wanted to get done before Bean arrives, but I’ve decided that it really doesn’t matter if they get done or not. I’m keeping on top of stuff as best I can, delegating household tasks to the girls a little more, asking for help when I need it {not something I’m good at, as I’m fiercely independent and would rather do it myself than ask for help}.

Obviously, there are some things that have to get done, be kept on top of. The laundry is getting done, we’re all fed and clean, I’m trying to keep on top of work, as I can’t afford to take Maternity Leave so will just be working straight through {I did the same when I had Beasite}. But anything non-essential is getting dropped, I’m trying to plan less for our days and keep any plans loose as some days I wake up and I am just too tired to do what I’d planned.

I’m trying to remember it’s important to listen to my body, to give it the time it needs to rest – growing another human isn’t easy, and I don’t have the luxury of another adult here to share the load. I guess I just needed to give myself permission to slow down, to drop the to-do lists, the should’s and must-do’s, and to savour these last days/weeks before there is a baby in the house.

Slowing down is perhaps what I need to do the most. To have time to just sit and be, to not keep my days so filled there is no time to think. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being more than just a Mama, even in this time when there is another baby on the way, and the only way to figure out what it is I want is to take time to sit and listen to my heart.