Lessons learned in time

silhouette of girl during evening

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Maya Angelou

One thing that I have come to understand, is that not everybody who enters your life is supposed to stay in your lie. Every one is a teacher, they all have lessons and wisdom to impart on us. Some may come and change our life so drastically and then leave just as fast.

I have had friendships that I thought would be life long, but turned out to be incrediblly toxic. Where the person who I thought was my biggest supporter, turned out to be so but only if I was doing waht they thought best for me and not what actaully was best for me.

I’ve made it through an what turned from a relationship that I thought was with someone who was my soulmate, so right for me in everyway, into an incredibly abusive relationship, one that at points, I ddin’t think I’d ever escape.

Every relationship we have strenghtens us, even though it might not feel it at the time. They teach us valulable lessons and I do believe that the universe keeps giving us the same situations until we truly learn that lesson.

That friendship I cut off, taught me to always do waht was best for me. To ask for adivce and help, but ultimately remember that only I know whats the right path for me to take. True friends will also know that, and support whatever choice you make.

That abusive relationship? It taught me to listen to my gut. To not ignore ever again that little voice inside that tells me when something doesn’t feel right. To not question my instinct when I know someone is lying and playing me. It also taught me that I am so much stronger than I thought, that I will never give in and be beaten and that my freedom is worth more than anything.

There have been times I have felt my life has been going in circles , and I’ve questioned why I have to go through the same thing over and over agin… the answer is that I needed to learn that lesson more than once, over and over again until it actually sunk in.

Life gave me the chance recently to find out that some of those lessons had been learnted. The person really isn’t worth giving much space on here too, but in the space of a couple of months, twice they got into soem kind of awful mood becuase of someone else and then made it into my fault. Inseurtiites from thier past made them blame me for things that I hadn’t ever done. the first time, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. The second time, I stood my ground. I will never give in and apologise for something I haven’t done. I won’t be pushed around and wrongly blamed, or made to feel guilty for thier issues. Me standing my ground meant an onslaught of messages telling me what a negative, unforgiving person I am, how I am obviously not over my exes. Old me would have been shaken by that, would have been apologiising and scared that they would leave.

Thsi me does not give a fuck. Their issues – not my fault. I’m more than happy to accomodate peoples issues and foibles, I would never exepect perfection as that simply doesn’t exist. But I am not a scapegoat. I am not there to pander to somebody, to ego rub, to be there at the drop of a hat, to take abuse and be a walkover.

I am not that girl anymore.

I stood my ground. Said my piece. And walked away.

And I felt so damn good. So happy that I had stood up for myself. That I was true to myself. Glad I listened to my gut that told me this was bullshit.

I could see that they were not listening to the words I was speaking, that htey had this pre-determined script in their mind of how relationships go. That they were playing the victim card, and no one will ever be able to get past that until they deal with thier issues themselves.

Happiness begins with us. If we are not happy with ourselves, then no job, money, relationship will make us happy.

And I am happy with me. I don’t have time for games or for drama. My life is not perfect, but I love it. I have made my peace with my past, I have forgived and moved on because life is too short to live with bitterness and regret.

The feeling after this ‘thing’ ended – ecstascy- becuase I could see it wasn’t real, but something sent to test me – to show me that I am not that person, that I have learned those lessons, and am a million times better than settling for anyone who doesn’t treat me the way I deserve.

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