Parenting without a village

“It take a village to raise a child”

It may take a village to raise a child, but what about when you don’t have a village? Modern life means so many of us end up living away from our families, raising our own families by ourselves, often a hundred or two miles away from our parents and siblings.

I’ve spent almost sixteen years parenting without a village, raising small kiddos whose every need depends on me and me alone is tough. Parenting now as a single parent is 10 times tougher, even though I did 90% of the parenting whilst married, at least, in theory, there was another adult around to help out.

When we first moved across country, 150 miles away from our families with a one-year-old, I thought nothing of it. In fairness, she was an easy child, and I loved spending all my time with her. She slept 12 hours a night, every night, so sleep deprivation wasn’t a thing.

Fast forward a few years, and I had three young children, 5 and under. Parenting solo post of the time, as my husband wasn’t overly involved. Coping with babies and toddlers, endless days trying to entertain them alone, a severe lack of money, long nights and no sleep. Illnesses {both them and me} left me even more stressed out.

Most of my friends here had grown up in this town, with family living close by. Giving them a built-in support system, free babysitters, the odd weekend childfree, help with household chores, somewhere to go for Sunday lunch…. I don’t think anyone appreciates all of that if you’ve always had it.

Of course, I’ve built my own village to a certain extent. There are a couple of friends who I know I can trust, who will help out as much as they can – but they all have young families of their own, so a 2am emergency call cannot always be answered.

I’m incredibly grateful for all the help they have given me, because every little helps. The last seven months with a newborn, and no partner, have tested me to my limits. Trying to keep a house and business and a family going, whilst looking after the demands of a newborn is intense. These are the days I really wished I had family around the corner.

My family is spread all over, both in the UK and abroad. I’m jealous of families who all live close to each other, who can easily get together for celebrations, long Sunday lunches and even just a cup of tea.

Parenting with no village is lonely but it is also rewarding. It forces you to be superwoman, it shows you how strong you are and reminds you that you Mama, are pretty fucking invincible.

If you’re running this show with no help, I see you. Let’s keep our heads up high, one kid on each hip, our coffee going cold and the laundry pile growing ever taller, and remember – YOU are the shit.