The fourth trimester

Just like that, we’re out of the fourth trimester. These three months have flown by, yet at the same time some days have felt like twenty, and there have been moments when I wondered how we’d make it through. But we have. And we have thrived,

When I had my first baby, 16 years ago, the fourth trimester wasn’t so publically spoken about. I had no clue what to expect, and while obviously life changed with the arrival of a child, we just muddled through. We lucked out with one of these ‘perfect’ newborns, who rarely cried, fed well, slept 12 hours a night from 6 weeks and was just a joy. Of course, I was 22, had no other children or responsibilities so life was pretty simple.

This time around, life is hectic. More than hectic. Four older children, teens, tweens, little kids… a mix of ages. No Partner. I’m self-employed, no chance of maternity leave as I’m the sole breadwinner and finically solely responsible for all six of us. NO family close by to lend a hand day to day. It could be a recipe for disaster, and I won’t deny I’ve had moments of worry. The postpartum anxiety returned, but so far thankfully not the PND that I have a history of.

I’ve somehow managed to find a balance between keeping everything going and trying to slow down to soak up the newborn period. With just me at home, there was no days or weeks after Oren’s birth where I could spend the day in bed or on the sofa. No long evenings camped out watching Netflix. I still had four other kiddos who needed feeding, running to groups, loving, playing with. There were moments when I’d be browsing Instagram in teh middle of the night, and read posts from other Mama’s I follow who’d also just had a baby. Posts where they wrote how their partners were looking after them, making meals, bring them drinks, looking after the other kiddos, and I’d feel so jealous and like I’d been robbed of something. I would have loved to have long days just lying in bed with Oren but it wasn’t to be.

I did make sure on the day the middle three were out with their Dad I slowed down, snuggled him on the sofa with the TV on, snuck in an afternoon nap. Got extra cuddles and enjoyed not having to run around for a few hours.

I honestly could not have done it without the bigger kids help. My eldest especially ahs been amazing, she’s in love with her baby brother, happy to nappy change, baby hold, amuse him and cuddle him – even if he’s crying or spitting up on her.  There to help out when I need it – if I have to cook dinner or hug a sad four year old. Or just need five minutes with empty arms to take a deep breath.

There have been a couple of friends on hand to offer baby hugs, or Mama hugs, listen to my worries or just chit chat to cheer me up.

And now… I feel like I can breathe again. The fog is clearing, life is settling back down. The anxiety is easing. We’ve settled into our new normal, those early baby days are passed and Oren is growing so fast, he is desperate to be on the move and joining in with everyone else. With a rhythm to our days I can plan a little, know I have time to do things when he’s napping and it feels like I can start to get ahead of myself again.

While the days have been long, the weeks have flown by. It’s a little sad to think those newborn snuggles are a thing of the past, but I am also proud of myself for how well we’ve coped. There was no choice but to cope, and it has been far easier than I thought it might be, and it’s proved to me just how strong I am. Three whole months of nourishing a small boy, plus his four siblings all by myself. And here we are, thriving and planning for the future.

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