It’s never about perfection

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Someone said to me recently ‘good luck in finding a perfect relationship’. It made me laugh, in one part because this person was trying to deflect their own issues onto me, to turn their mistakes around into being my fault, but also in part, because I don’t believe in perfect.

Not in relationships, not in any aspect of life. Perfect simply doesn’t exist.

If you are searching for perfection, then you will forever be disappointed. We’re all humans, and humans are flawed. Each and every one of us. But it is those flaws that make us real.

We are all just doing the very best that we can, at any given moment. We all screw up, we all do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing from time to time. Mistakes happen and are forgivable. What isn’t forgivable is making a mistake and trying to blame another person. Not owning your flaws and making amends, but acting as though you have been wronged.

There is no perfection, there are just messy truths.

Messy truths are where I am at. Years back, I felt that I needed to be perfect in order to be worthy. Worthy of what I am not quite sure. But that belief meant that I didn’t talk about the bits of my life that were messy. Everything I shared, I shared with a filter. I felt like if I admitted my imperfections, then everything would fall apart.

When my marriage died a messy death, and my world fell apart, I could no longer keep up the illusion of perfection. I found that when my messy truths were exposed, I was more worthy. People responded to my honesty because they could relate. In sharing my brokenness, and my struggles, and my imperfections I made myself a real person that others could find common ground with.

These days, I’m all about the messy truths. I don’t hide behind a pretend perfect life, I’ll admit to being imperfect, I’ll admit to my mistakes, my wrongdoings, the messy parts of my life. I don’t hide the anxiety or depression that creeps in now and again. I don’t hide the mental health struggles that I have fought. I don’t fight the days I feel like hiding under the duvet and crying, or the days when I am so totally overwhelmed by life.

In embracing my messy truths, I’ve found a peace within myself that I never thought I would. Chasing perfection left me unhappy, unfulfilled, feeling worthless and a failure. Accepting my flaws has allowed me to live my life fuller than I ever imagined. I don’t seek approval from anyone, I trust my gut and will happily walk away from those who are not acting in my best interests, I do what is best for me regardless what others may think, I talk truths openly because I know that in sharing my messy truths, I may be helping someone else who is feeling less than enough in their own messy truths.

I hope one day to meet my soul mate, but I have no doubt that he will not be perfect. No person or relationship is ever perfect, a relationship built on honesty and communication, and messy truths is far more real than one that strives for perfection. For now, I’ll keep living my life, flaws and all, sharing my messy truths for the world to see, safe in the knowledge that imperfection may be the way to find the perfect relationship for me.

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