Sitting with your emotions – 5 steps to gaining control

There was a time when I’d let my emotions rule me. Good or bad, they had the power to shape my day, to make it or break me.

I woke up happy today, as I do most days. Played some with the baby, sang some songs, woke the big kids up, made breakfast, started pottering around the house getting it back in order, sent a few messages.

Then our plans for hte afternoon got canceeled and BAM. MY mood plummeted, I was majorly triggered and I could feel a huge shift in how I felt. I was hurt, upset, angry, stressed – definitly an overreaction, but we cant always control how we react. The littlest things can trigger us, remind us of trauma from our past. For ten minutes I let it ruin my day. I stomped about a little, was short and snappy.

Then I took a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Stopped and looked around. Saw my over reaction, acknolweded the trauma hiding under the surface and told it ‘not today thank you’.

Some days I can take control back when things go awry and my emotions jump out of control. Not always, but these days it’s most of the time. I can seperate myself from my emtions, and see them for what they are. Indicators of what is going on NOT a reason for my day to be ruined.

Soem days, what the yneed is for me to sit with them. Acknowledge how I feel, and why I feel that way. Let them have a moment. THen remind them that it’s ok to be sad or hurt or upset or angry. But it isn’t OK for those feelings to ruin an entire day/week/month/life.

Over the years I’ve learned some things that help me, when negative emotions rear their head.

1} WELCOME THEM ~ it’s easy to try and push negative emotions away, to want to brush them off and pretend they are not real. The problem is, if we don’t acknowledge them, they just simmer away under the surface and increase in intensity. So, say hello to them. Give them a name. Tell them you see them. Embrace them.

2} STEP BACK ~ Breathe, and take two steps back. Where did these emotions come from? What triggered them? Understanding emotions and where they arose from is a huge step in learning to control them.

3} VALIDATE THEM ~ emotions are often just trying to protect us. They sensed a trigger and they are warning us of something they think could hurt us. Maybe you’ve been abandoned in the past, and a friend letting you down triggers those memories. Feeling angry is our emotioNS way of protecting us, even if anger is uncalled for in this situation. Rather than being annoyed you feel angry, tell those feelings thank you for trying to protect you from being hurt.

4} PAUSE ~ take a moment to take stock. a few deep breaths. puase from whatever you were doing. Ground yourself – get outside if you can. Name five things you can see, smell, touch. Think of something good from today. Think about what or who triggered you and if your response is really required or an overreaction.

5} REBOOT ~ if I’ve had a major triggered outburst, it often leaves me feeling depleted, tired and a little sad. Fighting those big emotions is exhasting. I’ve learned to do something that makes me feel good – maybe it’s some yoga, or a walk, or getting outdoors in barefeet, a coffee and a cake… whatever, but soemthing that always makes my soul feel light and peaceful.

Taking the time to learn your triggers and how you react to them is vital in taking control of you emotions. It is a long hard path, learning to understand your reactions to things that are seemingly benign, but an important step in not letting past traumas continue to shape your world today.