Postpartum Guilt – letting it go

It seems every time I open my Instagram, there is a post from one account or another that I follow that tells us the importance of those first 40 days after birth – the importance of slowing down, of the mother doing nothing but being with her newborn, of bonding, feeding, cuddling, resting, recovering.

And while I love the idea SO much. Reading it still leaves me riddled with guilt. Guilt because I didn’t have that. Because I couldn’t have that. Because I had a very different reality.

As a single Mama, with four other children, when I gave birth just over a year ago, there was no babymoon for me. No days or weeks lying in bed or on the sofa. No time to rest and recover from pregnancy and labour. No time to let my body heal. No long days spent just staring at my baby, feeding and bonding with him.

Instead, I was up and out within hours of giving birth. Sorting the post-birth laundry, ensuring the other kiddos and me were fed. Running errands, taking and collecting kiddos from their groups. Keeping the house running.

Working. I’m self-employed and took no maternity leave. I was answering emails and keeping on top of work a couple of days after he was born. Becuase I couldn’t afford not ot.

I’m not writing this for anyones pity. I’m writing it to show that not everyone is able to take that time after a birth to focus on them and their new baby. Not everyone wants to.

It’s an ideal perhaps – and yes, I would have loved to have someone around, partner, a or friend to take over so I could rest. Someone else to cook or clean for me, so I could have more bonding time.

Life isn’t always like that though. Maybe you are a Mama who has no support. A single Mama with no family near by. A Mama who has a husband or partner who can’t/won’t help out.

Maybe you are a Mama who doesn’t want to stay home. Maybe for you, what you need is to be up and on and out in life again.

Whatever your situation, I want you to know IT IS OK. There is no need to feel guilty for not being able to have a babymoon. For not having endless hours just with your newborn while someone else took care of the other kiddos and house.

For doing whatever you had to do to survive.

I look back and am amazed at how I coped. I gave birth and straight away was back to making sure all of my family had their needs taken care of. I did what needed doing, when there was no one else to rely on.

I still bonded with my baby. I still stared at him for what felt like hours. I still suceeded in breastfeeding. I nurtured myself as well as my kiddos.

It may have not been the perfect reality – but it was my reality. And I’ll no longer allow myself to feel guilty for how it was.