The start of a new chapter

October. The last month flew by in a whirlwind of new routines and adapting and adjusting to a new way of life.

My youngest two started school in September, marking a ginormous change for all of us. I’ve been a home-educating Mama for 21 years, which is almost half of my life. This wasn’t a decision I made lightly or quickly, but one that has been brewing for a while.

There was no one main reason for my decision, rather a collection of many. It took me a long time to work through my guilt over feeling like this was the right choice to make – after home-educating my girls, I felt in a way I was letting the boys down by sending them. It’s taken me time to remember that we all have different needs know. The boys are so very different to the girls at these ages, I am an entirely different person than I was 21 years ago, and our family is a completely structure to how it was.

Eight years of single parenting, home educating whilst working, running a house and raising a family all by myself has been hard. Harder than hard. I am utterly burnt out and running on fumes. I feel a need to reclaim some life for myself, to put myself a little higher up the running order of importance. My mental health has been struggling lately, and I am not giving the kids the best of me.

One of the main reasons that I home educated was to give them the best – and right now that isn’t at home with me. This might be just for a season, or it might be for many. We will see what works for all of us. I am incredibly thankful to have been able to get the boys a place in a fantastic village school, with around 75 children in the entire school! They are such a nurturing, warm, caring establishment I have no doubts the boys will flourish there under their care.

I won’t lie – the first few weeks have been a major adjustment for us all. It hasn’t been plain sailing. There have been tears and stresses, tough mornings and doubts. Yet they’ve come out happy every single day, telling me all about the things they have done and learned and their new friends.

Four weeks in, and I feel like we are finding our groove at last. We’re adapting to our new normal, figuring out this new way of living. It still feels odd to drop them off and wave goodbye – but on a selfish level, after years of feeling like I am drowning, I finally feel like I can breath.

The second I made the decision, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. The relief of admitting that right now, life couldn’t carry on as it was was huge.

There was grief for the life we had, and the life I imagined over the next few years. But I’m choosing to see this as a positive – as a step forward, as the beginning of an exciting new chapter in life.

I still have a 15 year old at home 3 days a week, officially home educated. But on those two days when no-one is home – the quiet that at first felt overwhelming is beginning to feel like a haven.

I’m still a firm believer in home-education, it does work and can work – but it also isn’t the perfect solution either. It has to work for everyone to be successful, and it is definitely not the only option.