I’ve had small, ongoing blog issues for the last month or so. These rapidly escalated last week from annoying to my blog being entirely broken. Thankfully my hosting support were excellent, but there were a few days when I was unsure if it was all gone for good.
A few years ago I had a similar issue, when my blog vanished and it looked like it wasn’t coming back. I cried. I stressed. I panicked.
This time, I was surprisingly calm.
Yes, I was worried. I didn’t want to lose 12 years of work – for that’s how long I have been blogging in this space! 12 years of hard work and 12 years of memories. I also was worried about losing this income stream. As a single Mama I cannot afford to lose money, and this space is a big part of my income.
Yet throughout I was calm. I held onto the belief that it would all work out the way it was supposed to. That things would sort themselves out, and live would go on.
This wasn’t the end of the world.
It took me by surprise and showed me just how much I have grown over the last few years. Control was always so important to me, as it was the only way to manage my anxiety. When things went wrong, I would break down as my anxiety would be too much for me to cope with any longer.
These days, my anxiety is virtually none existent, and I am a much more relaxed person. I no longer worry about having control over every second of my life. I enjoy spontaneity, I enjoy the unknown,
I can be calm and rational in a way I never could before. While I kept my fingers crossed that things could be fixed, I knew that everything would work out somehow even if my blog was gone for good.
I’m eternally grateful that it isn’t gone for good, and while I’ve had a lot of work getting it back up and running, it actually gave me time to assess a few things and make a few changes. It feels like time for a new direction, to let go fo the old and welcome in the new,
A fresh start. A new chapter.
Life moves on, this moment is all we have and there is no point staying stuck in the past.