How much of our lives do we live for ourselves? Really for ourselves? Growing up there is so much pressure on us to make others happy – by getting good grades, settling down, a career that others approve of… Then we find ourselves in relationships, as parents, and we end up trying to please others.
Lately, I’ve really been thinking about what it is that I want out of life. Me. Polly. Not the Mama me. The daughter me. The Friend me. Just me.
My heart has been broken and bruised a few times. It has left me wary and a little overly self-protective. For a long time, I doubted my own intuition. After an abusive relationship with a narcissist, my confidence was shaken and I didn’t trust myself.
I don’t want to live life that way. I am not a victim and I refuse to let the past shape my future. That means shaking off the nerves and stepping out into the world. To being brave and saying YES. To inviting adventures and change into my life.
The biggest thing for me is re-learning to listen to my intuition. Listening to how my gut feels. To not feeling like I should do something, or I should like someone. To not being led by others, by duty, by politeness. To go with gut instinct, to validating the way I feel.
If something feels off to me, then I will listen and act accordingly. Even if someone’s intentions are honest, if their actions make you uncomfortable that you are within your rights to ask them to change, and if they don’t, then walk away.
While listening to my intuition, I’ve also been running things past friends. A fresh pair of eyes on a situation can help clarify things. Though I’m being careful to not let others cloud my own judgement – a second opinion can help, but ultimately it’s down to me.
I think age and experience has made me exceptionally wary – I’m all to well versed in the ‘what could go wrong’ that I never used to think twice about. I’m also learning though that my gut instinct isn’t usually wrong. I just have to listen to it, trust it and