Sometimes you have to do what is best for you and your life, not what is best for everyone else.
There are times in life when we turn to others for someone to talk to, for a shoulder to cry on, for advice, for support and love. If we’re lucky enough to have good friends and family, we know in our darkest hours, there will be someone there for us.
Some of our friends will offer the support we need, be it financial, emotional, or physical, but we cannot rely on them for the rest of our lives. At one point in life, we may be alone and have to deal with a difficult situation at hand and ensure we find a solution. This means we have to learn to love ourselves, accept how we are, and learn ways of finding answers on our own. But how can we love ourselves?
We can start by knowing who we are, accepting our flaws, working on our weaknesses, and improving our strengths. We are all unique in our different ways, so we should never compare ourselves with anyone or try to be like someone else. We need to invest in discovering ourselves. Let’s say you have a singing talent; it would help you pay for singing lessons to advance and improve your skill. This way, you can feel good about yourself by knowing how great you can sing, thus loving yourself more.
We should be honest with ourselves by admitting to our mistakes. It allows us to heal from past damages and live a better life by forgiving ourselves. Additionally, we need to accept that not everyone will like us. It’s okay. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone that you are worthy of their love. That is just how life is, and the sooner we come to terms with that, the easier it becomes to love ourselves.
We should spend more time indoors, reflecting on life. Ensure to do so in a quiet and spacious room with minimal distractions. Click here to read more on how to increase space.
It can be wonderful and vital having a good support system around you when life is tricky. Yet… it can also mean that you have all these voices telling you what they think you should do.
When my marriage broke down, I broke down. I had spent the previous fourteen years unhappy, but trying to keep that unhappiness boxed inside of me. Putting on a smile for the rest of the world, and acting as though life was all roses.
I found myself in a dark place. I was lost, and despondent, feeling like a failure, and hit my rock bottom. What I needed was time. Time and love. I reached out because I was floundering, drowning in my sorrow. I couldn’t find which was up.
On the surface, I looked as though I was just about holding it together. The house still ran like clockwork, the kids were loved and fed and hugged and played with and taught and happy.
Then the night came and I would fall apart all over again. I was clinging desperately to anything I could control. Finding myself adrift, on course for a new world, that change felt so frightening. Part of me wanted to cling to the old life, even though I was so unhappy and trying to force myself to be someone I wasn’t.
There were only a couple of friends who were really privy to what was going on. One friend who I reached out to in the very, very beginning, when I first found out my world had crumbled. I thought she was one of those amazing friends – you know, the ones who will listen and listen and know just the right thing to say and suggest.
Slowly, the hurt eased, and I began to find my feet. With it, I began to figure out what I needed to do. what I wanted to do. What was the best route for me to take.
With hindsight, I can see how lost and low I was, that I was going along with what someone else told me was best for me.
I found a spark of joy within me and began to s
lowly craft a whole new life for myself.
Unfortunately, this was also when I realised that not everyone wants you to do what is best for you. Sometimes our supporters like to think that they, and only they, know what is best for you.
Remember that isn’t true.
Nobody knows you better than yourself. Nobody knows what is best for you apart from you.
Friends, family, supporters – they can listen, they can empathise, they can support you in finding your own answers BUT they cannot tell you what you should do. Offer advice perhaps, help you come up with a list of options. If you find yourself with somebody who is telling you ‘no THIS is what you have to do’. Or somebody who will only talk to you and listen to you if you are following THEIR advice. Walk away.
That kind of toxic support will never be positive, it will only bring you down. If you follow someone else’s path for you, you’ll never find yourself. Only in following your own path, in doing what is right for you will you feel fulfilled and content in life.
When we are in those darkest moments when we feel as though we have been buried, it is natural to want someone to tell us what to do next. Yet that is something that a true friend or supporter will never do. They will listen and they will not judge. They will hold your hand when you are on the floor. They will help you figure out what the next step is, and support you as you take it.
Doing what is best for you will always be the right thing. That might cost you friendships or relationships along the way, but know that those who fully love and support you will never try to push you to be their best version of you.