Rediscovering what we’d lost sight of

I feel like I’ve exhaled one huge breath that I’ve been holding for who knows how long. Years of anxiety and stress and worry and frantic trying to keep up with everything have been sighed out.

The first week of self-isolation and social distancing brought some anxiety, but that has passed. I’ve switched off the news {apart from headlines once a day}. Taken Facebook off my phone. Unplugged and slowed down.

It’s almost as though we’ve stepped back in time. Back to when my girls were little and life was simpler. Lack of money meant we were more conscious of what we were consuming, how much waste we were making and our expectations were so different.

Life was slower, simpler, more home-centered.

Now we’re on enforced home time. After those first few days, we’ve quickly settled into a new normal… an old normal.

With no groups to rush around to, we’ve finally gotten time to actually home educate. Long days mean we’ve started making lists each day of what we want to get done {and not just school work}.

We’ve probably gotten more done in the last ten days than we have in the last year. Well, maybe not, but we have been so much more productive.

Most importantly, I feel as though my reset button has been hit. The last eighteen months have been on survival mode. I haven’t felt like myself, I’ve been scraping by. Things have slipped by the wayside and life hasn’t been what I wanted it to be.

With this space, I’ve taken a step back. Exhaled all the survival tactics and finally gotten this ride back on track. I’ve rediscovered the parts of me that have been hidden for so long, remembered who I am and what I wanted life to look like. Taken back control, and started doing the things that I’d stopped because someone be it a husband, boyfriend, whoever… deemed not right. Not enough. Not fun enough. Not what they wanted.

No more people-pleasing. No more trying to be someone I’m not.

It’s as though I’ve been waiting for permission to step off the never-ending treadmill of life, and now that I have been given it, I can shake off the shackles that have been tieing me down.

I’m enjoying being more creative again, making do with what we have in as we can’t just pop to the shops, being more conscious about what we are wasting. Getting my hands dirty in the garden, or covered in paint. Spending hours on the playroom floor lost in games of make-believe.

In these days when we cannot see anyone else, what we’ve found is connection with each other. We’ve switched off the autopilot and have taken control. We’re spending more time with each other, creating memories, new normals, having fun, playing games, reading stories, talking, laughing, having fun.

The kids have spent hours playing in the garden. There have been mud pies made, paper aeroplanes flown, endless hours of gymnastics practiced. There have been tears and arguments too, raised voices and angry words. They’re building a stronger connection with each other too, one that I hope will stay even when the world starts up again.

Memories made that will last a lifetime, we’ll look back on these weeks/months with smiles on our faces and endless stories to tell.

These are strange times. There is fear and anxiety around us. Yet we still have the choice whether to let them dominate or whether to focus on the good. To use this time wisely, to enjoy the extra time we have with each other and to find every little bit of goodness that we can.