Thanks for the ride, 2019

Happy New Year! I love the feeling of a `New Year – a fresh page just waiting to be filled with love and adventures. I’m really excited for a New Year this time, as it feels like it’s a brand new start for me. Last year was just about survival, I’d learned so much from 2018, yet I was focused on making it through pregnancy and labour as a single Mama and then surviving the newborn period {whilst working, mothering four other kiddos and homeschooling}.

There were moments last year when I didn’t think I’d make it through, but here I am. Thriving. We made six months as a family of six, I kept five kiddos alive all by myself. We managed camping trips with a newborn and laughed lots and made a lot of memories.

While there were days I cried, and felt lonely, and overwhelmed, I came out the other side. It’s been a year of remembering how strong I am. Of sticking to my principles and not giving in. In digging deep and finding parts of me I’d forgotten about. In letting go of what was weighing me down. Of standing up for myself and letting go of fear.

I’m not the person I was a year ago.. or two years ago…  or ten years ago. But because of all I have been through I am a million times stronger than the old me. A million times happier. And a million times more content with my life.

2019 was a year shrouded in fog. In surviving I sacrificed so much. I could only do what had to be done, there were no goals set, no new years resolutions, no guiding word. I was busy getting my life back in order, building myself back up after being used and abused, erasing the shame I felt at being taken in by somebody and getting it SO wrong. I thought I had met my soul mate, yet I was taken for a ride completely.

I withdrew into my own little bubble, shrank my world down while I focused on what was really important. Learned who I could count on in times I really needed a friend, found myself blessed to have a few good friends who have been my rocks in the last few months whilst dealing with single parenthood and a newborn baby. they wrapped me in love, and were always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

In 2019 I saw me finally feeling like me again, albeit a better, improved me. I righted some wrongs from the last few years, made peace with myself, let go of friendships that just drained me and embraced this new life.

As New Years Eve came around, I found myself truly feeling at peace. Lighter and more content than I have done in years. Ready to face this New Year head on and build a whole new world for me and my kiddos.

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