Why it’s OK to be selfish

Selfishness isn’t generally considered to be a positive character trait. When we think of selfish people, we think of those who do as they please all the time, and don’t think about others needs at all. As a Mama, for years I thought I had to be totally unselfish – that my needs should come behind everyone else’s needs. I would run myself ragged trying to make sure everyone else was happy and had everything that they needed, at the expense of what I needed.

Every time I got a bit of a cold {which thankfully wasn’t often} it would turn into a full blown chest infection, and once pleurisy – mainly because I never let myself be ill, and just rest and recover.

One thing that I have finally learned over the past couple of years, is that small doses of selfishness is actually a good thing. As a Mama, I spend so much time looking after my kiddos, and I by nature, will look after friends and family too, but I realised that I can’t pour from an empty cup. I have to take care of myself, in order to be able to take care of everyone else.

For me, selfishness is knowing when I need to take time out for me. Maybe it’s running a bath in the middle of the day when I need to soak the stresses away. Curling up with a book whilst the kiddos play instead of doing the housework. It’s time spent having fun with the kids – just fun not doing a million things around the house at the same time. It’s evenings spent with my boyfriend. It’s a walk to the shops by myself because I need that half an hour of peace. It’s a couple of hours in the tattoo chair.

Selfishness reminds me that my happiness is just as important as everyone else’s.

I’ve realised that the times that I am stressed, when life feels too much and everything is out of balance, are the very times that I’ve forgotten to be selfish. I’ve gotten caught up in my giant, never-ending to-do list, have been running around trying to be a Mama, a girlfriend, a friend, a homeschooler, a writer…  so busy juggling all of these balls, that I’ve neglected myself.

Whereas once I would prioritise tidying the house, keeping on top of emails, doing chores – now I know that those things are not the most important. Yes, they need doing, but really, the pots can wait, and if the floor doesn’t get hoovered the world won’t end.

I’ve found that balance is key – as amazing as it is to give to others, to care for them and nurture them, it’s also amazing to care and nurture myself.

Here are seven ways to be a little more selfish;

1| Schedule ‘me time’ ~ mark out some time each week that’s just for you – maybe it’s a solo coffee date, a swim or just a long walk.

2| Go to bed ~ I used to stay up crazily late every night just to get everything done, but the next morning I would be exhausted before the day began. Now, I make sure I get a few early nights a week. I have more energy in the days now, and get more done!

3| Ask for help ~ it was an automatic reaction for me to say ‘No thanks, I’m fine’ if I was asked if I needed help. I saw it as a sign of weakness to need others help. But actually, it feels good when we let others help, and it relieves some of the stress off us

4| Say NO ~ it’s OK to say no if you’re overstretched and you don’t want to take on any more commitments

5| Have a ‘you day’ – a day once a month when you don’t schedule any appointments or work, just fill the day with things that you love – be it reading, writing, watching TV or even just sleeping!

6| Make daily rituals ~ take some time out each day for you – I practice yoga in the morning, even if I only have twenty minutes to spare, and I always find five minutes at bedtime to write my gratitude list.

7| Shorten your to-do list ~ my to-do list never seems to end, and it is usually as long as my arm. Lately, I’ve been scratching off the things that simply aren’t a priority. Having a shorter list is a huge relief.