What I learnt from a piece of cake

It’s been one of *those* weeks… where you think ‘how long is this flipping week’ when it’s only lunchtime on Tuesday. The little kiddos were ill all weekend, the cumulative effect of four or five nights broken sleep has taken its toll on me, I’m in the middle of taking myself off my anti-depressants, which is good and really fucking hard all at the same time and I’m just generally feeling a little overwrought and overwhelmed with life in general.

On Wednesday morning my eldest had a hospital appointment. The two of us went alone, the kids Dad sat in my house with the other three {as he’s had a really nasty accident and isn’t particularly mobile right now}. By the time we’d finished, walked to the post office to collect her parcel and run a couple of errands I was tired, hungry and in need of a drink. We stopped off in town to grab a coffee, figuring we’d have a little treat the two of us, as it’s not often we get the chance.

There is an amazing independent coffee shop in town, in the new art space that’s not long opened up, so we stopped off in there, getting me a coffee and a slice of {vegan} cake whilst Lola went to get a chocolate orange matchmaker milkshake. Oh my.

Heading back a little, around 16 months ago, I cut out caffeine from my diet, around the time I went vegan and cleaned up my diet. I’ve relaxed a little lately – I have a caffeinated tea most mornings, but I still drink decaf coffee and herbal teas for the most part. I also have had the odd very tiny amount of refined sugar but not much. Oh and I also don’t eat wheat/gluten 99% of the time.

Anyway, I just asked for a coconut milk latte, not really thinking and grabbed a slice of strawberry cake. Sat down, the coffee was good, the first mouthful of cake two. A quarter of the way through I realised it was way too sweet, and I wasn’t really enjoying it as much as I thought I would, scraped off the frosting and ate another quarter of just cake. Which was about half a cake too much.

By the time we got home, I felt awful. Whether it was the caffeine, the sugar, the gluten, or most likely a mix of all three that threw me off kilter. I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling physically ill. Headachey, bloated, queasy. Not good.

Dinner time came around and I ate the biggest plate of raw veg – never have I craved salad so much.

So what did I learn? That junk food is NOT a treat, that it’s ok to listen to my body, to only nourish it with real food, food that makes me feel good. That sugar and caffeine are not good for my body, not necessary and actually just make me feel really bloody awful.

My decision to cut refined sugar and wheat out of my diet last year raised some eyebrows – even today, the kids’ dad told me I’d ‘become one of those people’. It was seen as deprivation – a way to take whole options of food out of my diet. Yet the truth is it has nothing to do with deprivation, and everything to do with nourishment. Not only physically but mentally. I read so much at the start of last year on the effects of refined sugar and wheat/gluten on mental health, and we’re all aware of how bad sugar is for us {studies have shown that sugar consumption is linked to an increased risk of depression}, and so many of us have a physical reaction to eating wheat. It would have been crazy for me to NOT cut them out – and the effect of cutting them out is huge. I used to live on wheat products and food laden with sugar, and my stomach was always bloated, I was lethargic, I was always in this mental fog {even when I wasn’t ‘depressed’}. A year of not eating them for the most part and I have never felt so good.

I don’t miss out on eating anything – we live in an age where there are so many alternatives, I can buy gluten-free bagels if I fancy one, there are some delicious treats to eat that aren’t packed full of sugar {I’m loving the new Livia’s Kitchen range – the raw cookie dough bites are heavenly!} and last night I made myself a big bowl of chocolate, peanut butter ‘nice cream’ as I’d had the day from hell, had spent most of the day in tears and trying not to throw everything I could find at the wall. Yikes!

That cake and coffee seemed a good idea, I thought one little ‘treat’ wouldn’t hurt. But was it worth it? Not at all, I’d have rather stuck to my decaf and bought a healthy treat to eat – actually, a fruit salad would have been my idea of a delicious snack. It’s really taught me to stick to what I know is best for me, to trust my body and remember that food is about nourishment. Real food is what our bodies need, processed food isn’t good for our bodies physically or mentally. Thursday was all about nourishing my body with good, making up for the crap that I put into it and trying to get myself back to feeling 100%.

It has given me the kick up the butt I needed to keep my diet just as good as it has been, little bits of junk have been creeping in here and there, and I can tell the difference in how I feel – and it’s definitely not worth it! When my lifestyle is in a good place—when I’m eating nourishing foods and staying away from caffeine, alcohol, dairy, simple carbs, and added sugars—I’m can handle every day stresses easily and I am happier and more relaxed. When I go off track, even just a little, my mental health takes a hit.

So did that cake look good? Yes… But did it feel good? No. And that’s what we should be thinking about in life….not whether it looks good on the outside, but whether it feels good on the inside.