Monday Musings

I’m feeling happy and content this morning. Even as I sit here, trying to write and the boys are running around and shouting. I’m a little sleepy, I’ve an hour or so of work ahead of me to get through before we can begin the rest of the day, and a busy week ahead – but all is well.

I went to my women’s circle last night to celebrate the new moon. A few hours to just be ‘me’, to sit in circle with my sistars, to talk and share, listen and connect. A time when I don’t have to be Mama, when I can devote my attention to myself and what I need.

I learned the hard way that you can’t pour from an empty cup. That sacrificing myself for others just isn’t worth it. I’m changing the habits of a lifetime, ditching those self-limiting beliefs, refusing to be buried in who I was, and instead letting myself be who I want to be.

There was a time when I took no time for myself, I was nothing outside of being a Mama. I was anxious and depressed, even when I thought I was OK. I had built these walls around myself as a protection, to keep me safe from the world. Yet all they did was make me sadder and lonelier. I was alone in my tower and didn’t know how to break down the walls and let anyone in. I’d built this facade for so long I couldn’t admit none of it was real – I was too worried that people would see the ‘real’ me I was trying to hide.

Then life happened, and those walls broke down without my permission. I crumbled and I was no longer capable of keeping them in place. Instead of judgment, I found compassion, instead of pity I found acceptance.

Now, I take the time that I need to be me. I am a whole person outside of being a Mama. I am a better Mama for taking time out, for listening to my heart, for spending time filling my cup and creating a life that’s just mine.