Staying present

Sometimes {though right now it seems more often than not} life throws lemons your way. The saying tells us to make lemonade..

In the past, when things went wrong I’d do anything to block out those feelings. When my heart felt bruised and the hurt was too much, I’d look for a way to drown it out, anything to not have to feel.

The problem with heartache, or any kind of pain, is it has to be felt. If we suppress it and push it right down inside us, it just lies there. Dormant. Waiting. One day when we don’t expect it, it will spring back out and hurt just as much if not more.

So now, when I have a basket full of lemons, I’m sitting right here with them. Feeling all the feelings, letting the hurt radiate through my veins. Being fully present and aware, not trying to diminish it or ignore it.

It sucks. It hurts. I don’t like it. But this is the way we grow. That pain will make us stronger.

Staying here in the moment and working through the hurt and the sadness is the only way to get through it. Feeling it and acknowledging those feelings, seeing them for what they are. Mourning what has passed instead of trying to fool our hearts into thinking we didn’t want it anyway.

What will be will be.

I no longer feel the need to run away and hide or pretend everything is alright when I am broken.

These feelings will pass, the lessons I have learned will live on, I will be a better person for it all.

For now, you’ll find me sitting here, feeling the hurts, letting the lessons sink in.