Dating after Divorce

Whether you were married for two years or twenty, suddenly finding yourself waking up in a bed alone every morning can be a harsh wake-up call. I found that one of the hardest times of the day, along with going to sleep alone, it was tough waking up with no-one lying next to me.

After years of matrimonial life, the thought of re-entering the dating scene can be pretty darn terrifying. The modern dating world has changed so much in the last few years, with the advent of dating sites, it can seem overwhelming even knowing where to begin dating again. For those dating after divorce, they often have higher expectations from dating than ever before and don’t hide away from being demanding with their search for love. People are far less willing to compromise on what they are looking for in a partner and that means they are far stricter about not wasting their time with people who they’re not suited to.

Here are  simple tips to get back into the dating game:~

1| Make a List

After your previous relationship experience, you have a much more realistic view of what long-term commitment means. Make a list of all the qualities you do and don’t want in a partner, as well as what kind of relationship that you are looking for. It helps to make it clearer in your mind, as well as keeping you focused when you start dating.

2| Rebuild your confidence

It’s important to be in the right mindset before you begin dating.  A difficult breakup or a marital affair can leave you feeling insecure. Low confidence and a lack of self-worth make it difficult to move forward. Talk to friends, ask them why they like to spend time with you, what your good qualities are – and use their answers to boost your confidence.

3| Keep an open mind

While you have your list of what you’re looking for and not looking for, don’t let that limit you. Life can surprise you, and sometimes you’ll just meet someone and that spark will be there even if they don’t tick every item on your list.

4| Reexamine your social life

If you only go to the same places you did when you were married and visit the same places, then you are limiting your opportunities to meet new people. This is a great time to join a new club, try a new hobby, visit a different coffee shop – put yourself into new situations to widen your chances of meeting someone special.

5| Have a little fun

Especially if you have come straight out of a long relationship, you might not be ready to head straight into another one. Let yourself have a little fun, play the game, date lots of people, enjoy a little bit of no strings attached enjoyment.

6| Be clear about what you want

Not everyone you meet will be looking for the same thing as you are. People will have different relationship expectations to you. The best way is to be totally open and honest about exactly what it is you’re wanting – whether that be a long-term relationship or just a short term fling. That way no time gets wasted, and no feelings get hurt.

7| Be vulnerable

If you have had your heartbroken in the past, it’s easy for you to have put your guard up and not show your vulberabile side. This only means that you will be shutting yourself off from love. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and emotions as they happen. If your new relationship is worth it, the person you met will be ready to see your vulnerable side. Let them in.

8| Be patient

It’s rare to walk out of one relationship and straight away find the love of your life {though that can happen!} Focus less on finding ‘the one’ and more on building your confidence in the dating game. The more dates you go on, the more comfortable you will feel and the more you can perfect your seduction skills!

9| Play it Safe

Whether you’re meeting a friend of a friend or someone that you have met on a dating site, keep yourself safe and meet in a public place. Always tell a friend or family member where you are going, and check in with them when you get home so they know that you are safe.

10| Have fun

While it can seem like a minefield to be dating again, and you might feel that ‘I’m going to be single and alone for ever’ panic, just enjoy yourself. Learn to love yourself and your life without it being built around another person, have fun dating lots of different people and enjoy the perks that come with being single!