Looking back at 2017

2017-party-of-five

As the end of the year is just a breath away, I’ve been thinking back to what this year has brought. A much needed week offline whilst we celebrated Christmas and Beastie’s third birthday gave me time to slow down and take stock. In some ways, 2017 has felt like it has gone on forever, yet at the same time it has flown by and I cannot believe we’re about to begin 2018 already.

This time last year, I was newly single, reeling from the shock of my marriage ending, feeling lost and afraid and unsure what the future would hold for me. This past year has probably been one of the most intense years of my life, it didn’t go how I’d hoped or expected, but actually, that has been it’s biggest blessing. After a fifteen year relationship, I needed this year to re-find myself, to figure out who I am, and what I want, and what I think. It’s true that you have to sit in the darkness to truly appreciate the light. It’s been a rollercoaster of a year, ups and downs, highs and lows, fighting myself to surrender control and to let it be.

There have been some important life lessons taught this year, I’ve gone around in circles, or maybe more like a spiral, going round and round, each time getting a little higher, away from the darkness and closer to the light.

I’ve learned so much about myself this year, but the biggest thing I’ve learned is to listen to myself. A lifetime of letting significant others define my worth, tell me who I am or what I think, I found myself at the start of the year still letting people do that. Taking well-meant advice as gospel, believing other peoples opinions of me and the path I should be following. I was still feeling small and insignificant, my depression and anxiety all but took over, and I really felt as though I was drowning.

Yet somewhere in the middle of the year, I changed. I found my voice, I listened to my heart and tentatively stepped out onto my own path. It’s been a rocky path, I’ve stumbled and doubted along the way, but I have no doubt in my mind that it is the right one. Finding my voice and doing what I know is best for me has been a life changer. Every day I can feel myself growing more confident and comfortable with who I am. Instead of trying to please others, I’m only pleasing myself. I’ve learned to let go of what isn’t serving me… be that habits, or thought patterns, or friendships. It’s hard closing doors on friendships that you thought would be lifelong, but ultimately if their judgment and criticism is undermining my path, then it’s time to let go.

This past week I’ve felt peace, I don’t know where I’ll be in a years time and that is okay. I have plans and goals and dreams, I am open to letting life take it’s course, embracing all of the good that surrounds me.

looking-back-at-2017

As a family, it has been a transformative year. Being a family of five has made a whole world of difference. Family life is good. We’ve made new habits as a family, set new rhythms that work for us, formed stronger bonds than ever before, talked more about anything and everything, had so much more fun than I think we’ve done in any previous year. The five of us really make a great team {even when the girls are at each others throat from morning until night ha!}. Lola has been in school, then out of school, back in and then out for good. Currently, she’s having some ‘deschooling’ time while we figure out what will work best for her. The others still have no interest in going to school {hurrah} and homeschooling is going strong. The freedom for us to figure out how we want our days to look has made such a difference, days flow so much smoother now I’m the only adult in the house, and we achieve so much more.

While at times I’ve felt like I’ve struggled through the year, in amongst the hard times, there have been so many good times… we’ve been camping at friends, been to the Just So Festival and the Good Life festival, spent several weekends back at my Dad’s. We’ve picked our own berries, had family sleepovers, spa nights, movie nights, so many day trips, spent lots of time with good friends, made new friends and caught up with old ones, played in the snow, visited the zoo, made our home into our sanctuary, decluttered, celebrated birthdays, paddled in the sea, hunted for Easter Eggs, read a million books, laughed a lot, created some amazing memories and filled our happy jar up.

We’re off to see in the New Year with friends, waving goodbye to 2017, thanking it for all it has taught us and eagerly awaiting 2018 and new adventures ?

4 Comments

  1. DollyGoBrightly

    December 30, 2017 at 08:42

    So pleased that you have come through it. I have been rooting for you xx

  2. Suzi

    December 31, 2017 at 15:22

    That’s wonderful Polly. Your growing as a person and we’re never to old for that. You are stronger than you think. Have you read Vincent Deary’s book ‘how we are’? Its about change, life changes and it’s a bit weird but I found it really helpful this year and made some changes that have really helped me especially my mental health. Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy new year!

    1. polly

      January 2, 2018 at 13:16

      I havne’t read that book – just looked at it on amazon, and it looks great! xx Happy New Year x

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