These are the days
Wednesday
By the time I went to bed, I was spent. Exhausted, emotional and feeling like a bit of a Mama failure. And then today. One of our cats kindly woke me at 3am, I woke with a start feeling sad and tearful and unable to fall back asleep. I made tea, and curled back in bed, snuggled against the warmth of my toddler, and read away those twilight hours until the house awoke. Hoping, praying, for a better day. By the time it was an hour to get up, the sun was shining and I felt OK. Not great… but right now, OK I’ll take.
Really, it always amazes me what a difference some sunshine makes! Life seems so much easier when it’s sunny, when the doors can be left open without the house turning into an igloo, when the sun streaming through my stained glass windows makes pretty rainbows across the floor. beastie and I enjoyed an al fresco breakfast whislt the girls slept. The laundry got hung out to dry in the sun, I snuck in a little work before the house fully awoke.
Our morning was spent pottering around the house. I started on a make-over of the old coffee table in the den, Beastie played in the garden {who knew dead strawberry leaves could keep him occupied for so long?!}, the girls did their English lessons, practised some gymnastics, trampolined, we popped out to run a few errrands and met back at the table for lunch.
A happy table, surrounded with laughter and chatter, a chance to catch up on our morning and plan our afternoon. We read a little of our book club book {we’re reading My Side of the Mountain this month}, filled in more on the timeline of the book we’re creating, more trampoling, tunes playing, ice-cream sundaes were made {and consumed with glee by all four kiddos}, a bliss filled hour spent in the den, decorating the covers of our new sketchbooks – don’t you just love a brand new sketchbook? All those blank pages, waiting to be filled make my heart so happy.
Baya had her gym class, Beastie made a birthday card ready for his Grandma’s birthday, we made curry for dinner, hell, we even managed to sort out Kiki’s wardrobe! By the time my kiddos were all tucked up in bed, and my bath was running, I was exhasted again, but in a good way. While these past few months have been a rollercoaster ride, up and down, sometimes hanging on by my knuckles, fighting to create a new normal, to regain some sense of peace, to ride out the depression adn anxiety and keep all the plates spinning, there are glimmers now of what life is becoming.
These are the days. These love filled, memorie creating, happy, simple days. It’s not hte special occasions, or the day trips, or holidays that create our lives… it’s these everyday kind of days, spent at home with our families. Days full of laughter, and games, painting and reading, playing games and watching them do the same trick on the trampoline twenty times in a row. These are what make me happy. While there are still ups and downs, life is settling down. Really, I have all that I ever wanted… a home I love, four amaing kiddos, fun-packed days, the freedom to be home with them 24/7… being able to soak up these slow, peaceful days. Life lately is beginning to be so much better than it has been for a long time. While I’m still fighting to beat hte depression/anxiety, family life is pretty flipping fab. Our home is so much calmer and happier now it’s just me here, the kiddos less stressed, the atmosphere is no longer filled with tension, gone is the negativity and criticisms I hadn’t even realised took up so much space until they were no longer there.
Life is not perfect, but life is pretty good ?
Alison
March 10, 2017 at 20:52Ahhh I feel your pain missing that workshop!! So frustrating. I love how sunshine makes everything feel better too. Lots of love Polly xx
Candy Pop
March 12, 2017 at 20:13Sunshine makes such a difference, doesn’t it? I love your photographs and your living room looks gorgeous – beautiful fire place.
I hope you had a nice weekend. xx
Lori
March 13, 2017 at 11:43I am so happy to hear your finding joy in this different pace of life but remember to be kind to yourself lovely, you’re doing an amazing job! xx
Kathryn
March 15, 2017 at 18:06I totally agree. It’s a wonderful feeling when you’re all together but all happily absorbed in your own satisfying activities. I love that little al fresco breakfast set up that Beastie had going on! xx
Laura
March 16, 2017 at 23:25Wow that trip to the city centre sounded stressful but you all got through it and the rest of the week had such joyful and happy moments which is wonderful to hear
Laura x