Family = a team; family meetings, team rules and a shared vision

Now we’re settling into life as a family of five, I felt it was time to reconnect, to pull together as a team and figure out what it is we’re all working for/towards. A family to me is a team, we all need to be on the same page, striving towards a common goal, helping each other and supporting each other in our individual goals. A team is stronger if they work together.

Last weekend, I gathered the kids around the table, Cat Stevens playing, incense burning, fairy lights on, and a delicious breakfast of fresh croissants and pain au chocolats. I wanted some time with everyone in one place, so we could chat out any issues and come up with a set of team rules. While obviously there are times when I am the grown up and make the decisions, ultimately I want to create a family where everyone is heard, where everybody’s voice and opinions are equally important.

I talked about how important it is for everyone to have a say, for us to pull together and be respectful of each other. To build some guidelines that we all have to abide by, so that life runs smoothly and we have more time for fun. I gave the kids a few examples of what I thought some of our rules could be and then set them off with pen and paper to let them come up with their own ideas.

It turned out we all had fairly similar ideas. Being respectful of each other {knocking on bedroom doors, no name calling, no hitting, not taking other people’s things without asking},  telling the truth, being polite… I wanted this list to be more of a ‘way to live’ than a list of ‘shoulds and shouldn’ts’. once everyone had made a list, and shared their ideas with the rest of us, we came up with a finalised list that we all agreed on:

* Laugh Lots
* Always tell the truth
* Be respectful
– no hitting/squeezing/kicking
– no name calling
– knock before entering
– no swearing
– treat others the way you want to be treated
* No arguing with Mama
* Do your chores
* Remember your ‘pleases’ and ‘thank-yous’
* Pick up after yourself
* No whining
* Do something nice for someone every day

Our family rules are pinned up in the kitchen, where we can all see them every day, and remember what we all agreed on. While we were all together, we also put together a family vision board. I love making vision boards, and made a personal one a couple of weeks back. They are a fantastic tool to clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on specific goals.  I wanted to help us pull together, and map out what it is we want from our family. We included a couple of inspirational quotes – my favourite is ‘today should always be better than yesterday’ to remind us to keep moving forward and not look back, and strive to get what it is we want. We included images to symbolise the family movie nights and games we love, camping trips we hope to take, beach time, a reminder that a team is stronger together, gymnastics for the middle two {and Baya added the Olympic Rings – gotta dream big!}, Kiki seems to want chickens again, and a note to remind us we can choose to be happy today.

We agreed on having a weekly family meeting – a time when we can all let our voices be heard, a place to iron out any differences, plan out our week and reconnect. As the girls are growing up, I think it’s really important to strengthen our family foundations as they venture out more and more into the world by themselves. It feels good for all of us to have set some common goals and a framework to live by. Getting the kiddos involved is vital to family life running smoothly – they know it isn’t about me telling them what to do, but us all ulling together and helping each other out.